Assignment 4 - Excercise 1 & 2

Exercise #1: What is Your Touchstone?

Dream: To become a Professor

Touchstone: To be a leader who teaches, encourages, and inspires people to establish and accomplish goals.

Role Model: Oprah Winfrey

Target: To receive a PhD and having the life I have envisioned for myself.

The reading this week “GoalSearch” was very inspiring because it teaches that most goals are within our reach. Barbara Sher gives the example of a woman who wants to be famous in spite of the fact that she is unsure by what profession she would be famous in. After going through the process of GoalSearch she can identify a profession that captures her desire to” be famous” in a more tangible manner. For me, completing the process was not difficult because I am very clear about what it is I want to accomplish. However, what I found fascinating is that my chosen profession satisfies my needs to interact with people, be the center of attention, become a leader, and most importantly to help others.

I chose Oprah Winfrey as my role model primarily because she introduces subjects on her show that are rarely discussed on daytime television. She talks about intelligent and important issues that affect everyday people and she has no reservations about discussing matters that are considered taboo. Watching her show is an educational experience as well as a social experience and what she has accomplished is profound in the way of bringing people together to observe the “human” side of life. She is probably the most charismatic person I’ve ever seen and she has an enormous capacity to reach out and help others. Her leadership skills are extraordinary which are displayed by the successes of the people she mentors. In addition, her job gives her a celebrity status that she openly admits she enjoys. She has the dream job I has always wanted, however, becoming a professor will satisfy my need of being the center of attention. I was surprised and pleased to find that Oprah Winfrey shares my personality type.

Exercise #2: What Is Your Personality Type?

My type is ENFJ

Extraverted 78
Intuitive 25
Feeling 50
Judging 56

You are:

very expressed extravert
moderately expressed intuitive personality
moderately expressed feeling personality
moderately expressed judging personality

The Bright Side:

My personality type is classified as “The Giver.” It states that I often consider the needs of others above my own. Although I find this to be true to a great extent in my life, it is something that I had not considered as my personality type. After giving it some thought I realized that when I lend money to family members when I truly cannot afford to lend it, that I am putting their needs before mine. Or when I give away things to my best friend and pretend that I do not need the item.

According to the reading, I live in an external world where people are my priority. This statement is absolutely true. I am identified as a “people person” with great interpersonal skills; a person who enjoys bringing out the best in others. I am very impressed by this statement because nothing gives me more pleasure than helping others in any way I possibly can. I have always had a strong longing to “fix” things in people’s lives whether it be to help them to get a job, giving them advice, or just leading them in the right direction. In my work, helping others brings the most satisfaction.

What astounds me most about my personality type is the statement that I would make a good counselor or teacher which is exactly what I aspired to do! The statement reads as follows:
In the work place, ENFJs do well in positions where they deal with people. They are naturals for the social committee. Their uncanny ability to understand people and say just what needs to be said to make them happy makes them naturals for counseling. They enjoy being the center of attention, and do very well in situations where they can inspire and lead others, such as teaching.
I was also amazed when I read that my personality type enjoys organization and that I am “fussy” when it comes to my home. I find this statement to be accurate as well!

The Dark Side:

I was especially struck while reading about the dark side of my personality. I find it shocking and a bit disheartening to discover that my personality type is classified as 56% “judging.” Mind you, once I was told by a sibling (my sister) that I tend to prejudge people. I never believed this about myself and became very insulted when she said it. Maybe now I should investigate the accusation.

Finally, the reading suggests that I do not enjoy being alone. This is only half true. I do enjoy spending some time alone having time to ponder, but for the most part I am most happy when surrounded by people I love and admire or am participating in group activities. When I am alone I do tend to think about the negative aspects of my life and sometimes may become depressed. For this reason, I spend most of my time with others. Obviously this is a problem I need to overcome.

Assignment 3 - Understanding Yourself

Exercise 4

Pick a color:

I am the color green. I am peaceful, calming, tranquil and still. I am strong as stone and as delicate as a flower. I am welcoming and comforting; supple and giving; embracing and protecting. I represent serenity and solace.

Exercise 5

The Private Eye Game:

Detective Inventory List:

1) The home has an ample amount of fresh flowers and plants, all real.
2) It is nicely appointed with prints and painting from the impressionist period, (Van Gough, Seurat, and Caillebotte) to name a few and modern art such as Thomas McKnight hang tastefully on the walls of every room.
3) The furniture is an interesting mix of the old and the new; some contemporary pieces of furniture that flow well with the room along with the traditional dinning room scene - you might find this room in the window of a department store.
4) There are an unnecessary number of drinking glasses (some crystal) throughout the home neatly arranged in cabinets and on shelves.
5) In the living room stands a bar well stocked with liquor, mixes, and more glasses. (Somehow I get the feeling that the bar is primarily for looks sake.)
6) A large piano serves as the center piece in the living room, “used” but kept in good condition.
7) There is an extensive wardrobe in the bedroom closets (2) with clothing neatly arranged by season for work, evening and Sunday social meeting.
8) There are several pieces of costume jewelry in the bedroom carefully arranged on jewelry racks much like the ones you see on a department store counter. There are other accessories in the room including hats, gloves, belts, and scarves folded nicely on shelves. For a moment I though I was in Macys.
9) The bedroom has a heavy concentration of knickknacks elegantly arranged on the dresser.
10) Among other items is a pointless collection of shoes, about 80 pair. (Most of them have never been worn,) smartly put away under the bed in roll-away containers.
11) A sizeable collection of coats and furs are packed into a smaller closet in the living room.
12) The bathroom is marble and reaps of fancy Kohler fixtures and a life sized poster of Diana Ross.

It is obvious that the woman who lives here takes great pride in her home and loves to entertain. She is a bit of an exhibitionist who enjoys being the center of attention. At the same time she enjoys her privacy and quiet time and utilizes the flowers, plants and warm colors of the home, (mostly shades of green) to create that feeling of solace she craves for. Judging from her wardrobe I find that she enjoys her social life but takes her work life just as seriously. The knickknacks on her bedroom dresser points to her love for travel (most of them are souvenirs.) The bathroom tells me that she enjoys the spa. (It’s stocked with many products used for relaxation.) However, the art work on the walls reveals her innermost secrets. This woman is a dreamer. A dreamer who visualizes herself as a person who is searching for something; something that she feels is bigger than herself; bigger than her life. In fact, everything in the home is a representation of her desires.

Exercise 6:

Seeing Yourself as Others See You – Version 1: Praise Be!

My boyfriend Anton:

Michelle is very caring. She keeps in contact with all her friends and family members because she cherishes them in ways I’ve truly admire. She also loves people in general and has no problem making new friends or being concerned about people she has just met or doesn’t know at all. She respects everyone equally from the homeless man or woman on the sheet corner to her managers at work. She does not judge anyone and has an incredible capacity for forgiveness and empathy. She is concerned about the environment, nature, and people who live in hunger and poverty as she is always seeking solutions for them. Lastly, Michelle has a talent for making people feel comfortable around her.

Exercise 7:

Twenty Things You Like to Do:

1) Ride my bike. The last time I road my bike was a month ago on the lakefront free of cost with my boyfriend. It was planned and not job related. Bike riding has some physical risks. I fell and badly skinned my shoulder. I always ride at a fast speed for fun. For me a bike ride is both mentally and physically challenging.
2) Swim. Last time I went swimming was on my recent trip to Lake Geneva with my boyfriend. It was not free of cost. It was planned and not job related. I swam slowly. Swimming is both mental and physically stimulating.
3) Make up my face. I make my face up everyday and do it while alone. It was free of cost. It was planned and not job related. I make-up my face at a fast pace. There are no physical risks. Doing my make-up is mentally pleasing.
4) Plan and participate in parties. Last time I planned a party was on August 23rd for my son. I attended the party with my family and my son’s friends. It was not free of cost. It was planned and not job related. There were no physical risks. I planned the party at a fast pace. Planning and participating in parties is a mental and spiritual activity.
5) Buy flowers. The last time I purchased fresh flowers was on this Sunday and I was alone. It was not free of cost. It was planned and not job related. There are no physical risks. I purchase flowers at a slow pace carefully choosing the ones I like most. I find purchasing flowers to be a mental and spiritual activity.
6) Playing in dirt. The last time I played in the dirt was during my recent trip to Lake Geneva with my boyfriend. It was free of cost. It was planned and not job related. There were no physical risks. I played in the dirt at a slow pace paying attention to all the small creatures. I feel that playing in dirt is a mental and spiritual activity that takes me inside of myself.
7) Listen to Music. The last time I listened to music was on Friday when I was alone. It was not planned and not job related. There are no physical risks and there was no cost. I listened to Michael Jackson music for about two hours recalling all the songs he made famous. I always listen to music at a slow pace. Listening to music is a mental and spiritual activity that takes me away from my everyday life and allows me to dream.
8) Travel. The last time I did any real traveling was last November when my boyfriend and I took a cruise to Bermuda. I was very expensive. It was planned and not job related. There were some physical risks when we went parasailing. The ship cruised at a slow speed for five days and we had the most wonderful time. The mental and spiritual benefits of traveling are endless.
9) Go shopping. The last time I went shopping was last weekend to a thrift stop. Because of financial strain I have found a cheaper way to shop. It was not free of cost and there are no physical risks. I am usually alone when I go shopping and it was not job related. I like to shop at a slow pace because I enjoy the experience intensely. I use shopping as an outlet to everyday stress and find the experience more mental and spiritual than it is physical.
10) Reading (Mostly Fiction.) The last time I read was today on Sunday. It was free of cost. I read my class books and finished up a John Grisham novel. Most times when I read I am alone, but my boyfriend and I read together on occasion. My reading was planned and was not job related. There is no physical risk in reading and I always read at a fast pace. I find reading to be mentally and spiritually challenging.
11) Watch a good movie The last time I watched a good movie was Saturday night when I watched the Film Noir “The Big Sleep” with my boyfriend. It was free of cost. There were no physical risk and it was not planned and not job related. I watched the movie at a slow pace. Watching a movie is always a mental experience for me.
12) Go out to dinner. The last time I went to dinner was on Saturday for my brother’s birthday with my family. It was not free of cost. It was planned and not job related. There were no physical risks and as usual I ate at a slow pace. Going to dinner is a mental and spiritual experience for me.
13) Attend parties at friend’s homes. The last time I attended a party at a friend’s home was last Thanksgiving with my boyfriend. It was free of cost. It was planned and not job related. There were no physical risks and I always take my time to eat and enjoy myself. These gathering have mental and spiritual meaning.
14) Go to church. The last time I attended church was last Sunday with my sister. It is free of cost. It was planned and not job related. There were no physical risks and I always I like to take my time at church because I love being there. Going to church feeds my mental and spiritual needs.
15) Dress up. The last time I dressed up was on Saturday for my brother’s birthday dinner at a restaurant. It was not free of cost. I attended the dinner with my family. It was planned and not job related. There were no physical risks and I dressed up in a new dress I purchased from the thrift store. I got dressed very quickly because I was running late. Dressing up is not only a fun activity, I also find it be mentally and spiritually stimulating.
16) Attend theater (Mostly plays.) The last time I attended a play was about a month ago when I went to see an Albert Albee play with my boyfriend. It was not free of cost. It was planned and not job related. There were no physical risks and I watched the play at a slow pace in my mind to gather the play’s theme and appreciate the actors on stage. Attending theater speaks to my creative side making it a mental experience.
17) Talking on the phone to friends and family. I love taking on the phone. The last time I talked on the phone was today and I was alone. It was not free of cost. It is my way of keeping up with loved ones. It was planned and not job related. There are no physical risks and I talk at a fast pace in order to get everything in that I want to say. Talking on the phone is a mental and sometimes spiritual experience depending on the conversation.
18) Serve food to others. The last time I served food to others was at a homeless shelter in Lincoln Park last year where I volunteered along with five other people. It was free to cost. It was planned and not job related. There were no physical risks and I rushed to prepare the food before it was served. This experience was physically, mentally and spiritually satisfying.
19) Spend time with children: The last time I spent time with children was in June during the Taste of Chicago when I treated my nieces to the festivities. It was planned and not job related. There were no physical risks and I took my time in order to allow the kids to enjoy the day. I found the experience to have both mental and spiritual meaning.
20) Attend college classes. The last time I attended a college class was last Wednesday along with my classmates. There is no physical risks attending class and it is not job related. College classes are not free. I like to take my time in class in order to understand the material being taught. Attending college is a mentally challenging experience which I enjoy.

What I’ve learned about myself:

Some things are new to me and others are not. I’ve always known that what I really love to do cost money. Most of the things I have identified come at a cost; things such as going to college, dressing up, going to dinner, spending time with kids (treating them), keeping my phone on, attending theater, buying fresh flowers, shopping and so on. There are only a few things on the list that does not require money such as playing in the dirt and volunteering my time. Most importantly, I find that the spiritual connection with these activities come at no cost, like appreciating the performing arts. Being a spiritual person is priceless. I am also very creative and connected to nature and things that are natural.

Exercise 8: Your Ideal Environment.

In what imaginary environment would my best self emerge?

I live in a house on a hill overlooking a beautiful garden close to the water. I am a professor and a writer who enjoys traveling the world seeking out opportunities to engage in charitable activities. I spend a great deal of time with family and friends and take out the time to manage my own garden and home. I teach classes at a local college and mentor students after class. When I am not working or finding causes, I am entertaining guests in my home or attending social activities that speak to my creative side. I am surrounded by people who are supportive and goal orientated.

What have I learned about myself?

I’ve learned that home is where my heart is and filling it with friends and family is first and foremost. Managing my own life matters and that I would not enjoy having someone to help me with domestic chores. Also giving to others has great importance in my life and carries as much weight as my personal goals of becoming a professor and mentor.

Exercise 9: Your Ideal Day:

I wake up at 8:00 a.m., dress in professional attire and head for the local diner for morning coffee with a good friend. After coffee I go to the local University to teach my literature class as a professor. After class I conduct a mentoring session for a student who is having a difficult time passing classes. I convince the student that he/she will improve with time. The student takes my advice. After teaching a few classes I leave work to meet my partner Anton and friends for dinner at a nice restaurant. After which I go to my beautiful home on a hill and tend to my garden near the water. Later in the evening Anton and I sit outside on our porch and plan our next vacation to Hawaii as we gaze at the stars while Anton explains the wonders of the universe to me one more time.

Fantasy Analysis:

Question 1- Indispensable

What: Becoming a professor/mentor
Where: At a University/Junior College
Who: My partner

Question 2- Optional But Desirable

What: Going on vacation.
Where: Hawaii
What: Living in a beautiful home on a hill with a garden close to the water.
What: Becoming a writer.

Question 3 – Frills

What: Eating out with friends.
Where: Nice restaurants

Question 4 - Adjusted ideal day

Walking through an adjusted fantasy is not a total disaster. Although, it is a bit disappointing, I feel that I can do without the optional desirables of going on vacation to Hawaii, living in a beautiful home on a hill, becoming a writer, and frills like going to fine restaurants regularly. As long as my indispensables are satisfied I can still enjoy my life to the fullest.

Question 5 – What elements do I already have?

1) Who: I already have my wonderful partner Anton.
2) Who: I already have good friends who love me.
3) What: In a way, I am already a mentor because I mentor people all the time for free.
4) I already have a beautiful apartment across the street from the lake.

Question 6 – What elements are absent from my life now?

1) What: Being a college professor and professional mentor
2) What: A beautiful home with a garden close to the water.
3) Being a writer.

Question 7 - What stands between having your adjusted ideal day tomorrow?

1) Who: Going to nice restaurants with friends. - Lack of finances.
2) What: Going on vacation – Lack of finances
3) What: Living in a beautiful home on a hill with a garden close to the water – Lack of finances.
4) What: Becoming a writer – Lack of confidence

Step 2 - My Personality Growing Up

These comments are given by my best friend Sharon who I grew up with from age 7. I have no parents, aunts or uncles. My caregivers are all deceased. Sharon was not a caregiver, but she knew me very well back then.

1. What was I like in the first 5 years of my life?

Michelle was a very determined and loyal person from the time I met her at age 7.

2. What things did I love, what games did I like to play, what did you think was unique about me?

Michelle loved to play school, run around the neighborhood, throw rocks, play in the grass, ride her bike, and play with her dolls. I thought Michelle was unique because she was very dark skinned and very pretty. (When we grew up being dark skinned was not a sign of beauty.) For me, this quality made her unique.

3. What did you think I would become when I grew up?
A supermodel.

Step 3 - Comments from five friends

What do you think are my greatest gifts/strengths?

My best friend Sharon:

Michelle has an incredible ability to encourage others and an enormous sense of style and beauty.

My girlfriend and former work associate Alison:
Michelle, I believe the following are your greatest gifts/strengths: time management, working in group situations under strict deadlines, you recognize the importance of a strong work ethic, persistence, and intellectual integrity.

My boyfriend Anton:
Integrity, commitment, tenacity and humor. These are some of the gifts that Michelle possesses. Her honesty, in both personal and professional relationships and commitment, whether to a friendship or a cause, makes her a unique individual. She also has an unshakeable belief in doing the right thing and the tenacity to see it through. All these traits, combined with a great sense of humor, make Michelle a wonderful person to share life with.

My photographer and good friend John Smith:
Michelle you have a knack for doing your best in whatever you do. You are a great people person who enjoys the company of most everyone. You are very creative and have your own since of style. The most incredible thing about you is that you have discovered the "fountain of youth." Everything about you is young! You also have an excellent sense of fashion.

John...

My sister and friend Nadine:
Michelle is a great communicator. She knows how to present herself and her ideas. In addition, Michelle has been a model which is another form of communication. When she walked on the stage it was as if she was talking without words. Her biggest gift is having the “it” factor. She is very attractive, but more than that, she radiates from the inside. Clearly there is something special about her.

Step 5 – “What Do You Love?”

During the in class essay I spoke about the things I love. My most cherished possessions are those things found in nature. This weekend my boyfriend and I went to Lake Geneva, WI. I could not wait to explore the town and partake in nature by visiting the beach. I started by lying on the beach getting acquainted with the smell of the grass, sand and dirt. After about one hour of doing nothing but taking in the sights, smells and sounds that surrounded me, I decided to take a swim. I learned to swim last summer at my health club and since that time I have become a different person. I always wanted to swim, but allowed fear to stop me. Now that I can swim, my fear of the water has subsided. I am still not completely comfortable swimming in a large lake, so I stay close to store and enjoy myself. My favorite part of being a new swimmer is being under water. There is no better feeling than being under water because it takes you to another world where the sounds are intensified and everything looks mystical. When I’m swimming under water I feel a sense of freedom or “escape” from the real world. It takes my mind to another place where things are peaceful and pure. In “assignment 1”, I spoke of having a desire for “freedom.” I am discovering that the need for freedom is consistent in all the things I love.

After taking a swim I played in the sand and dirt like a child paying close attention to all the tiny creatures I found in the sand. One tiny creature had fallen on its back and was struggling desperately to turn over. I took a stick and turned it over. When it became free again it crawled away as if it was happy to get along with its life. I imagined that the creature “thanked” me as it quickly ran to its destination. Freedom is everything……

Had a wonderful day in beautify Lake Geneva.!